I am human, you know

Why I Stopped Blogging for a Week?

 

I love weddings, I love everything to do with weddings and I love meeting new people. When I started blogging, I didn't know if it'll stick. I just did it. I did it intensely for several months for marketing purposes. And last week I decided to take a step back. I felt like everything that I am sharing about me and my business is dehumanised. And that's not fair on who I am, I'm a human, you know... I'm more relatable than I let on. 

During one of my conversations with my friend last weekend sitting in an empty coffee shop, we spoke about how much effort it takes to open up to new people and to just be yourself. It feels a lot scarier than it actually is. He said to me, "But those people don't know you like I do. You're an extremely funny character."

I've been putting myself out there for longer than I can remember. And it just seems like I skipped that part with my blogging. So here's the story...

When my family moved to Ireland I was only 10 years old and all I could say in English was 'I don't understand' and answer what time it was.

The morning after we landed in Ireland, I was already sitting in a classroom full of kids that spoke this mysterious language. Two weeks after I was in a different school closer to home. Twice in two weeks I had to push myself to explain who I was, where I lived, where I was from and whether I liked it here or not in a language that I couldn't speak. I was freaking out inside, I was scared and I thought I'd never be able to speak English the way my classmates did and that I'll never have any friends.

Later when I finished primary school, there was secondary school. Yet again there where only a handful people that I knew and once again I had to push myself to come out of my shell and make friends. The same story continued throughout college.

Then I dropped out of college and I moved to Moscow. Oh what a leap of fait! It was one of the most exhilarating times I've ever had. I've never lived in a city that hosted somewhere between 13 and 17 million people. The bigger the city gets, the lonelier it feels actually. But yet again, I pushed and pushed my comfort zone boundaries as much as I could. 

When I finally came back home, I call Ireland my home, I had almost zero friends. It's just the way it is. You lose friends when you're away for such a long time, your paths are so different that it's extremely hard to connect. And somehow it was one of the hardest times to be me. I was full of experience, ideas and yet the outside world seemed so foreign. It's scary to be putting yourself out there your whole life only to realise that you're afraid to the  point when you can't do it anymore.

Over the past two years, I have met many people who were scared out of their lives to be open about themselves on their blogs and in life in general. That's the society we live in, everybody judges! It takes so much to let the whole world see into your life! And in actual reality only a handful find the courage to do that. Reading my previous blogs back I just realise that I'm good enough to be me, to express my little thoughts as they are and to whoever you are as if you're my friend, not purely as a consumer. 

If you're there and you're facing the same fear of exposing yourself for who you are, that's okay, let's grab a coffee.. let's joke about ridiculous multi-seasonal Irish weather and let our inner artists out. 

So as a result there will be changes in the way I communicate with the world through my blogging. Every morning I struggle, every lunch I need a buddy to talk to and every evening I'm tired. I am only human and this is my next big step into expanding my comfort zone. And I hope it inspires you to do the same :)

Stopped Blogging for a week